Granddads
My Dada (Paternal Grandfather) died of cancer last year, it took just months from the diagnoses to the day he passed away. I would say I was fortunate for I did not see him shrivel away. Even with cancer he was walking till the last day of his life. Maybe a fast growing cancer was a good thing. It didn’t put him in pain (or a lot of it), it didnt torture him.
I remember from when I was a kid that we watched the entire Ghalib movie (or series) together. I always wanted to get the series on DVD and watch it with him as an adult. Unfortunately, I was never able to do that. They say you don’t realize what you have till you lose it and when you lose someone that elderly you suddenly realize the mammoth of knowledge they had. Me and my Dada used to have discussion on politics, I was the only person in the entire household (my chachos, dad and rest of cousins included) who could actually high five him, an advantage of being the eldest grandson I suppose. I vividly remember the day I “fived” him for the first time, my mum and chachoos (uncles) were visibly shocked but somehow I knew I didn’t cross any boundaries. After my Dada passed away, there was quite a few times I read the newspaper headlines and thought to myself, “Will discuss it with Dada Abu when I go to his place next” only to realize that he was no more.
Ironically, I have always felt his absence in subtle ways like that. The day he passed away I was at the hospital and when I learned that he has passed away, I felt nothing. Nothing at all, maybe I was prepared since I knew he was suffering from a very bad case of cancer. That does not however explain how I felt nothing a couple of years before that when my Nana Abu (Maternal Grandfather) passed away.
Again as was the case with Dada Abu I realized his absence and his death gradually over time. Like in winters when we used to go to his place and he would come out to receive us or see us off with a shawl wrapped around him. Or the number of dictionaries there used to be on his bedside and lounge’s table; he used to solve the crossword, the jumble and a couple of other word games from each days newspaper – an attribute my sister took up later. Oh and his walking stick and this particular way he used to swing it when he walked, always seemed very sophisticated to me. As a kid I tried to swing a stick just like Nana Abu did but I could never get it right. Since I lost my Nana Abu earlier than my Dada Abu there are things I never did with him. I never realized how much he knew about current affairs and never got to hear him talk of a political situation in the calm, controlled manner that he used to speak in. I never got to learn of each and every road of Karachi through him; yes, he was excellent with directions and somehow knew where everything of even the slightest of importance was. One thing I know I pick from my Nana Abu, being a techy. Nana Abu would know everything about tuning the latest TV set and what additional features it offered, how the internet works and how to send emails all over the world. He knew before me what an ISP is, yes thanks to his love for reading he would read all the IT magazines that my Mammo (uncle) used to have lying about the house.
Among everything, something I always feel that I missed out was the fact I never learned enough from their experiences. It is after you lose someone so important that you realize that you had never even begun to estimate their importance, their knowledge and their love. I have never said it before today, but I miss them and I wish I had spent more time with them.
Rest in peace, Granddads.
P.S. This post is inspired by Hold my hand… by Rabia and basically started off as a reply to that post.
mobzilla said,
December 12, 2007 at 12:36 am
so true.touched. really makes me think too. i like it more than your other stuff which you tend to make much more complicated.
aMmAr said,
December 12, 2007 at 1:27 am
Touching.
They say when you experience something tragic or any loss(huge in magnitude) you some how learn to move on. a ver dear friend of mine lost his mother last week. the loss was so huge that one cant express in words or even tears. I hope we are able to give the amount of love and respect to our dearly beloved that they actually deserve while they are with us.
newbie said,
December 12, 2007 at 10:45 am
Very moving!! I know it is hard, but this itself is a test for you, trying to move on but not forgetting them. Its been 2 years that my grand dad passed away and still there are moments when i miss him or would like to be in his presence.
I guess one can only look back and reminiscence.
allah un ko jannat naseeb karain !
SyedFaisal said,
December 12, 2007 at 5:00 pm
The loss of our beloved leaves a great void in our life but with the passage of time the realization of their importance and the sweet memories associated with them fill that void and then at some point of time we also vanish from the scene of life and the things which remain are the memories and deeds associated with us.
The real thing is that we need to realize the importance of the people we have in their life time.
rsameem said,
December 13, 2007 at 11:10 am
You know actually the best part is like having History live in front of you…the eyewitness of the times that have been.And I am impressed that your Nana was so up to date, very cool
May Allah(SWT) rest both their souls in peace Amen.
P.S. One good thing that came out of this post is tht you were finally able to come out of that vacuum of not feeling anything ….to feel is human
tazzy said,
December 13, 2007 at 11:22 am
the case wid me is complicated or i guess its how i take it.
but i had my own style but unfortunately it lasted less than a year.
i realized the importance of my nana abu in his lifetime and when i planned to learn what i wanted to learn (as in i did learn frm him but those maths tricks..ahhh), he passed away.
similarly was the situation with my dada abu. i used to live with him and he had sound knowledge about what had happened in the World in the past and about the current affairs.Later when i began my interest in politics and history i used to sit with him and discuss stuff not like wrathchild
anyhow, as newbie sed, “one can only look back and reminiscence”.
wrathchild said,
December 14, 2007 at 3:07 am
@Rabia
No the feelings were there, its just that I never felt the overwhelming emotions you feel when you learn that someone has passed away.
@Amyn
Trying to move on and not forgetting. Another one of life many ironies.
@Tazzy
Somehow its complicated and simple at the same time. There are things which we all feel and there are emotions which are local to us only.
And what do you mean by “not like wrathchild?”
tazzy said,
December 14, 2007 at 5:04 pm
i meant that i didn’t discuss stuff like this…
“I was the only person in the entire household (my chachos, dad and rest of cousins included) who could actually high five him, an advantage of being the eldest grandson I suppose. I vividly remember the day I “fived” him for the first time, my mum and chachoos (uncles) were visibly shocked but somehow I knew I didn’t cross any boundaries.”
but in a different way whcih ofcourse dint crss any boundaries either.
P.S: i dint mean dat u misbehaved
wrathchild said,
December 14, 2007 at 6:50 pm
@Tazzy
But you think I did
tazzy said,
December 14, 2007 at 10:27 pm
nai yaar…never even once